Today is 3 months since Roger passed away! I think time has gone very quickly and I seem to have done quite a bit in those 3 months.

How I miss my darling. I think most of all I miss the chatting we did together. I suppose you don't really think about it, when you are together all the time. I miss Roger not being at home with me, or when I come home from work or a little holiday, he is not here to greet me and then for us to have our chats together. I feel lonely for him, but not lonely in other ways.

I think I am doing quite well. Of course I have my moments, but mostly I am happy and getting on with living. I can remember people saying to me when I was completely absorbed in caring for Roger "Be strong", "You are a strong person, you will get through this", etc. I hated it! I didn't want to be strong, I didn't feel like "getting through it", but now, I know it is my strength, and my faith in a loving Heavenly Father that is helping me to cope with each day. Plus I continue to receive such beautiful emails and cards and encouragement from my beautiful family and many friends. Taking baby steps is a good idea and this is what I have been doing. I seem to have spent quite a bit of time on the bed!! I am not sorry to have done this. I needed time to recover from the exhaustion of caring for Roger, and still there are times when I feel so tired and I can quite easily have a sleep for a couple of hours. I will go on doing this until I know the time has come for me to rise to new challenges. I am even doing this is some small ways.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers, dear readers of my blog. Maybe it is time I said goodbye to this blog and just share thoughts and news on Gaynorsworld. I have not been terribly good at keeping up with all my doings, but it has been a bit of fun of late, so hopefully I will be able to post some pictures soon, especially of my beloved twin grandsons Nathan and Edward, who are not 8 months old and absolutely delightful.

FINISHING STRONG - A TRIBUTE TO ROGER

There's something BIG to be said about friends who have lived a life which was honourable, generous, full of faith and hope, admirable in word and deed, and then who suffered courageously. My friend Roger was one of those persons. He recently died of a Motor Neuron Disease called Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS).

We watched this vivacious 57 year old man fight a disease which ravaged his healthy body reducing it to a skeleton of its former self. However, his spirit did not waver. He walked with a hope and fought courageously against this foe. He gave the rest of us more courage and shame (for ever complaining of our petty physical issues) as we cheered alongside him and his faithful wife Gaynor- right up to the end.

There's something BIG to be said about those who walk through the trials of life and carry on (not missing a beat). We've now lived life long enough to have seen how life's challenges derail individuals or grandly show what resilient stuff others are made of.

Finishing Strong is all about taking the "junk" of life and living through it with strength and hope beyond yourself. It's about a reliance on a heavenly strength that you knew you didn't possess. Finishing Strong is about courage and integrity. It's about picking oneself up once again (not being perfect) and getting right back on the bucking bronco. You are bolder, less beholden to the superficialities of life, more meaningful in your encounters, and more aware of how precious each day we have lived really was.

When Roger was my age, he didn't know that this train was going to hit him and that one day, when he woke up, life would never be the same. But, Roger was prepared spiritually. It was as if the whole of his former days had been spent wisely in preparation for this season. He lived life to it's fullest, he gave God credit for his joy and the big blessings in life, and he never blamed God for this disease. He knew that disease was part of the fallen world we all live in.

Roger looked towards another world. A Kingdom he couldn't fathom but trusted was there waiting for him with a whole cheering squad of others welcoming him "HOME". This faith kept him going through many a breathless, choking, weak moment. This Finishing Strong doesn't go unnoticed in the Kingdom Realm nor in this Earthly Realm.

Farewell, our Dear Roger! We know that you are dancing and singing with a new body.....

Well Done for Finishing Strong!

by Barbara James (works as an Educator in Europe)

A WALK IN THE CLOUDS WITH ROGER

KEVIN’S MEMORIES OF DEAR FRIEND ROGER RIDLEY

“G’day mate, beaut day for walking in the clouds isn’t it?”

Can’t remember when we met for our first walk down there in the Basel area yet you probably do – “another yappy bloke,” you probably said to yourself!!

What I do remember, having got to know you a little, was asking what the hell you were doing in the Schopfheim/Basel area. You very diplomatically referred to your mission of reaching out to those beyond the walls of the church. Reflecting on that response I now realise what a huge impact you and your wonderful wife Gaynor had on the greater community in which you lived. You proved a love of all people regardless of their religion, race or sexual orientation and we in turn loved you dearly for that.

“So how’s it going with the men’s modelling group that you instigated? Started one up here yet?” I recall a great deal of mirth, given an image of men strutting down a catwalk yet your modelling is real men’s stuff – boats, planes and trains – yeh!!!

Those Friday coffee mornings at Centrepoint in Basel were such fun, especially when you took charge of the “special” coffee making. There was always a big welcoming smile and hug and of course a very well made cappuccino. Those Anzac cookies of Gaynors were the icing on the cake. On the subject of food weren’t those walks in the Schopfheim area great, culminating in soup and crusty bread at your cosy welcoming home – oh, and those special cakes of Gaynors too. I trust the canteen up here is as good as the home cooks down there.

You did encourage us to attend movie nights at Centrepoint to view and discuss great Aussie TV series like Brides of Christ which really got us going – fun evenings indeed. Do you have digital TV up here? How many channels?

I know your involvement in the Basel Choir meant a chance for you to realise your passion for singing – we watched with pride as you sang your heart out one Christmas performance with “Sleigh Ride ”, my favourite, especially the crack of the whip being non other than your hand slapping your thigh – brilliant. They tell me there’s a pretty good choir up here too.

You know Roger, dinners at your home in Schopfheim were always a casual and welcoming experience with as many guests as possible huddled around the kitchen table devouring the famous Gaynor roast. I still laugh at the memory of the first time you asked us to hold hands in thanking the Lord for the meal and I made mention of the fact I had always wanted to hold your hand – we all cracked up and it took some time to restore the reverence your words required.

Remember that day when we were walking in Basel and you first complained of having no grip in your left hand – we now know it was God calling you on another mission for eternity.

Hey Roger, it’s getting pretty cloudy up here although there’s a gap in the cloud and a ray of sunshine beaming on a group down there in Perth – I reckon it’s your family and friends telling you they too want to come walk the clouds with you someday.

Hey, it’s been great walking and chatting with you mate - till next time. Tschuess. Kevin

(Kevin is our dear friend from Basel. He visited us for 2 nights back in October.
We treasure his friendship and care of us)

Apologies to my faithful blogger friends who keep checking for updates from me. At last I feel I can update you on how things are going without my beautiful Roger, who I miss very much. But as I said to a dear friend only yesterday, I miss my Roger before Motor Neurone Disease took over his (and our) lives. To see him suffering as he was, was breaking my heart and I wasn't coping at all well with this.

How blessed I was to have Tim & Amy, Jocelyn, & Glenda, Tom and little Edward & Nathan with me for an extended time. Tim & Amy flew back to Melbourne on 2 January and the others left Tuesday 10 January. Life was busy whilst they were here and it was a good distraction for me. We did some lovely things together and made the most of the time. After Irene and I took them to the Airport I came home and booked my fare to Melbourne for 11 days, leaving 25 February. Tim turns 34 on 23 February and Glenda 30 on 7 March. So we will be doing some partying!!

I had no idea how much work is involved when someone close to you dies. It seems to be endless and sometimes I don't cope very well as I try to get my head around all that needs to be done. Many have given me good advice like "one day at a time", which I have listened to!

I had a wonderful 4 nights away with good friend Mary Snowball from Adelaide from 12 January. Mary drove my car to Mandurah, about 1 hour south of Perth and we were treated to a lovely place to stay partly by Bronni (Mary's sister) and partly by Mary. Mary spoilt me in every way and we swam, ate lots of seafood, drank, slept, watched a good Charles Dickens BBC series "Bleak House", prayed together, cried together and walked a little!! I didn't want it to end, which I thought was a good sign! It was difficult to spend the first night at home alone, but I am okay with that now.

I have received hundreds of emails, cards, letters and other messages. I am feeling overwhelmed by them all, but very, very touched. I hope eventually to answer each one in some way, but it will take me a few months I am sure.

Will try and post some photo's soon.

BLUE EYED SYMPHONIC SONG

Blue eyes brighter than a brilliant summer sky
Dark brown hair abundant around your head
A face that's comely you cannot deny
A voice that would recall us to our 'Daily Bread'

Roger in name and Ridley in nature
You held steady to the faith you professed
You always walked towards the future
Ready to be faithful and fully blessed

You loved people, it was plain to see
Always ready with a welcome
Food, beer or a cup of coffee
No one was ever barred from your home

Your heart burned for the gospel
You could speak it plain
On Sundays we'd find you beside the well
Drawing water for the thirsty again and again

If travel involved a trip on a train
No one was happier or easy to please
A joy in the journey you didn't have to explain
But boy were you an easy target to tease!

You captured a story not only with words
But with your tone of voice and expression you gave
Breath and life to people, flight to birds
And a lost world invariably you'd save

We were looking so forward to seeing you as Gramps
But your light burned brightly and not overlong
Still you filled passports with numerous stamps
And leave us with a symphonic song


Jocelyn Ridley
17/12/2011
In Memory of my Dad 19/5/1953 - 15/12/2011

MY DARLING ROGER

My darling husband and my very best friend and companion Roger passed into the presence of his Father in Heaven this morning 15 December 2011 at 8.30. He died peacefully at home, which was his wish. He was 58 years old and gave in to the ravages of the dreadful and debilitating Motor Neurone Disease after a very tough fight of just over 2 years. He was so brave and stoic and just didn't want to give in.

I haven't asked Stewart's permission, but I am sure he would not mind me sharing this very special poem he has written about his dear friend Rog. We met Stewart (from Cairns) in Basel, I think it was in 2007 and we became good friends with him and his gorgeous Swiss wife Katja.



My friend left this world today.
His name was Roger Ridley.
Although MND came on slowly.
It took him way too quickly.

"You must meet Rog and Gaynor".
I was told at Centrepoint morning.
Who'd have thought a short time later.
He'd officiate at my wedding.

He was my go-to guy.
For all things model and manly.
We spent hours on building, walking and talking.
And the beer went down very gladly.

He left a lasting impression.
On me and everywhere he went.
So long to my mate Rog.
Thank you for being my friend.

Stewart

Roger continues in Bethesda. They are talking about letting him come home on Monday 12 December, but will make the decision on the day. We will be prepared for whatever happens.

Just when I think it can't get any worse, it does! I have had the most horrendous week and have leant very heavily on Irene. She has been thinking for me and doing a lot of running around. I am so thankful I have her close by and thinking more clearly than I am!

We had a meeting with the Dr's Monday morning trying to figure out a plan for Roger's care. Roger was booked to have a lung function test yesterday (Wed. 7 Dec) but we cancelled it as Roger didn't want to do it and also there is no point. It was going to be very difficult to get him to the other hospital anyway, as he hasn't been out in the wheelchair since his admission to Bethesda on 5 December. He is weak and very tired all the time. Roger and I wanted him to use a VPAP machine at night to help with his breathing, but it is too late for this now.

Roger had a chest xray last Thursday and his left lung has partially collapsed. His breathing is shallow and sometimes difficult, especially when he is coughing. I think this really frightens him.

One of the upsetting things for me is that Roger wanted to do a Medical Health Directive and when we went to see our lawyer back in August he said what we needed was an Enduring Power of Guardianship. Well, let me tell you this is not correct. Now it is too late for Roger to do a Medical Health Directive as he is not always thinking rationally. So now I have to do a Enduring Power of Medical Guardianship! Please, please my dear friends make sure you all do a Medical Health Directive stating exactly what medical help you want to happen at the end of our life, otherwise you are at the mercy of the medical profession to make those decisions for you. It can be so very complicated let me tell you!

So many things to think about and I am feeling drained, flat and exhausted. Fortunately Jocelyn arrived yesterday and I had my first good sleep in a long time. It is lovely to have her here with me at this difficult time.

On a lighter note. Irene and I were spending time with Roger after the Dr's had left on Monday morning and Roger seemed to perk up. He said "So, let's have a game of scrabble"!! We looked at each other in amazement and said "Why not"!! How precious is this! "Who won", you ask? "Roger of course"! He is the scrabble King! And we DIDN'T let him win either. He put the last word on the board PERSONAL to use all his letters and get a bonus 50 points!! Irene and I might have said a few little swear words!! I was left with a Z, Q and X ! ! Needless to say I lost. But is was so special to spend this precious time with our beloved Roger.